I just had to take a break from all of my prep work for a little bit of silliness.
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I am in full-on prep mode for my upcoming trip as a volunteer on a medical mission with Operation Smile. I leave in a little less than a month and it will be a month of collecting and making things to bring to entertain the kids at the hospital. I want to tell you a story of an act of kindness from a stranger. It made me smile. It made me tear up. I’m delighted to report that the world is full of wonderful people!
Last year I had taken 20 matchbox-type cars on the mission to Paraguay. I immediately realized I wished I’d brought more. I knew if I was ever lucky enough to go on another mission, I would take as many as could fit in my suitcase. But new ones aren’t cheap, unless of course you get the cheap knock offs. No way was I going to do that! I couldn’t in good conscience give an impoverished child a toy that’d surely break in mere hours (if not minutes). I wanted the real thing. So I logged into E-bay.
That’s where I met Carl. He had several lots of 100 cars available to bid on. In his description, he told how he would carefully wrap each one so that collectors would get unscratched cars. I sent him a note that if I won the auction, he needn’t go to that trouble for me. I explained to him why I wanted them and where they’d be going. A little scratched up is no problem for my use. Plus space in my luggage will be limited so if he wrapped them, I’d surely just have to unwrap them. And honestly, I was hoping to save some money on the shipping.
Cars Smiley Face
Carl wrote back to let me know that I’d be getting a box of cars regardless of whether I won the auction. He said he was going through his massive collection and picking out the best, the coolest, the strongest he could find. Additionally he said he would fill the shipping box until no more cars could fit–way over 100 cars. Carl set up a special item number just for me, so that no one else could get the special deal he wanted to give to me–rather, that he wanted to give to the kids in the Philippines. Cost to me: zero. That’s right zero. No shipping fee. No cost. Zip! Zilch! Sero (that’s zero in Tagalog, the language of the Philippines)!
BTW, you bet I’m going to go thru that box looking for Smiley Faces!!
The cars arrived in just days. And not in the medium flat rate shipping box. Instead in the large flat rate shipping box! SO MANY!! I bet at least 350 cars!! SO GORGEOUS!! Every color and model!! SO THANKFUL!! Carl, you touched my heart!!
So next time you get cut off in traffic or someone steals your parking space, please remember those jerks are the exception. Most people are kind and generous, just like Carl. And, more often than not, the “jerks” are just nice people having a hard time in this life and compassion from you can go a long way toward helping them to have a happier outlook.
Smile. Be happy. Be happier! Ruth
As always, you can help a child get a new smile by donating. ANY amount helps. The dollars add up to a chance for a new life!!
P.S.: When trying to write with cars, it’s easier without the help of cats. My 4 were their cute, helpful, furry selves!
There’s just been so much going on I’ve hardly had time to write a blog post!
The big news is that I’m off to the Philippines in June for another Medical Mission with Operation Smile. We’ll be going to communities ravaged by Typhoon Yolanda. Just typing Yolanda made me smile. Years ago I found a business card for a masseuse who called herself “Yoland with the velvet touch.” I hadn’t thought of that in who knows how long. MMS (MadeMeSmile, it’s the new LOL).
But back on topic I’ll be chaperoning 3 American High Schoolers who’ve worked hard for Operation Smile. The 4 of us are going as the Goofball Playologists. I admit I made up the title. But how good would that look on a résumé? Put that on right next to Smiley Captain and you’ll be irrresistable.
Getting back on topic, again. We’ll wear clown noses while we sing and dance, and do somersault, art projects and math puzzles. All this to while away the waiting time with the patients. The American HighSchoolers also teach important health modules to the patients and their families.
Those kids we’ve played with will all have a friend (me & the high schoolers) to walk them to the Operating Room and stay with them until they fall asleep. As the Lovey-Dovey-Parent-Liaison (another made up title) we’ll hold hands with and give hugs, hankies and updates to parents nervously waiting while their child gets their brand new beautiful smile. And when the surgery is done, we’ll bring mom or dad into recovery. HOW DID I GET SO LUCKY?!
Smile. Be happy. Be happier!!
Ruth
Here’s Eliana with her new smile. We met last year at the hospital in Paraguay where the Operation Smile team gave 100 children and a couple of adults new smiles! Since then, Eliana and I have been pen pals. You can read a series of blogs from that trip here. I’ll be blogging and posting pictures and videos from the Philippines. PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU KNOW OF MEDIA OUTLETS THAT MIGHT LIKE TO BE INCLUDED.
In the category of what’s up, I am thrilled to say the taping of the Dr. Phil Show is over for the season. As many of you know I was asked to be on a team of people who receive the live feed of the show as it is taped and contribute comments via Twitter that the producers then weave into the show for when it airs. Dr Phil occasionally will turn to the camera and say, “Let’s see what our team on twitter has to say,” and then read tweets from the group I’m a part of.
It has been fun…but also kind of a drag. The stories are so sad, the people’s lives so screwed up. Most end with progress being made, solutions and strategies being agreed to…but not all. I really found it to be a downer to participate three days a week.
When I first got asked to do this I was so fired up. I was going to be so good, participating in every taping, they were going to love me, I was going to be insightful and wise, I’d become Dr. Phil’s favorite (sounds like a whole bunch of ego talking, doesn’t it? Laughing at my silly self.). In reality as the season progressed I participated less and less.
It was eye opening to me. Yes I have strong opinions of how we should treat each other. I have always found that while watching a show like the Dr. Phil Show, I want to scream advice and offer hugs. I thought it’d be fun to do it and actually have those sentiment heard. But the truth was that it was just too sad for delicate little me. It’s true. As much as I’d like to think I’m tough as nails, I am in fact a delicate flower. That’s what my mom has always said and moms are usually right.
I prefer to spend my days talking and writing and creating around the theme of happiness! I am not cut out to be in the thick of the turmoil and conflict. In the thick of silly, and happy, and lovey-dovey, yeah that’s the ticket! Give me sunshine, lollipops and rainbows.
Smile Be happy. Be happier!!
Ruth
I recently spoke at a group called Sunday Assembly. It’s a church without rekigion–all the fellowship, community service, loving support, and lessons about living a good and decent life–just no religion. The idea is that it is open to everyone seeking a loving, supportive community. It is not anti-religion, just without religion. Everyone, from every background, is welcome. I think it’s a lovely idea. I am always happy to see people involved in efforts to include everyone.
I’ll be speaking at the Sunday Assembly in London in September (2014).
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I was recently seated at a café, where two moms with young kids were seated at a neighboring table. I heard one mom make a snarky-remarky about a mutual friend. While mocking the absent woman for being a hovering mom, she simultaneously opened her 3 year old’s lunch bag and each of its individually wrapped items. She proceeded to put the spoon into the yogurt, flip open the spout on the sippy cup and tear the bagel into bite sized pieces. Was this a case of the hummingbird calling the helicopter hovery, or what?!
But clearly she did not see herself as hovering. This got me thinking. Maybe what’s going on in our society–parents confident they aren’t hoverers when clearly they are–is more than denial or simple issue of semantics.
Milk Carton Smiley
How did we go from my generation, where we headed out to play and didn’t touch base again until we were hungry hours later, to a generation where moms can confidently site exactly what their child has eaten, the number of times they’ve gone to the toilet and when and where they last washed their hands?
The shift started when, through the expansion of media into our everyday lives, we became aware, often quite graphically, of childhood abductions. Statistics show there has been no dramatic rise in the occurrence of such tragedies. But as faces began to appear on milk cartons, as crime stopper TV shows flourished, as products appeared on the market capitalizing on parents’ fears, we as a nation went from a parenting model that fostered impendence to one so vigilant as to teach helplessness.
Backpack Smiley
Just this morning driving into the parking lot at the gym, a child being dropped off to summer camp stepped right in front of my moving car. Mom was stuffing the boy’s things into his backpack (why wasn’t the kid doing this himself?) and the boy stepped away from the car without looking to see if the road was clear. I don’t think it was a case of his being a space cadet. Rather, if he always has an adult at his side who looks both ways, then he never looks for himself. Children need to perceive danger if we are to expect them to devise ways to mitigate danger.
I witness this learned helplessness again and again as a preschool teacher. Children who are never left to their own devises, don’t devise ways to do even the most routine of activities. I’ve seen 4 year olds unhappy about having sand in their shoes but unable to take the obvious and simple steps to deal with it.
Playground Smiley
We all know it is so much easier, and faster, to do things for them. Parents often impede their child’s learning to act independently in favor of efficiency. It’s a vicious cycle where the parent comes to believe their child can’t do X and so does X for the child and so the child never learns to do X, and so on. It’s not that they can’t or won’t, it’s that they never get the chance to figure out how to do it on their own. Again and again I have parents of students marvel at how their child competently handles tasks at school that mom or dad does for them at home.
So how do we shut off our helicopter motors without leaving our children vulnerable in a world which does in fact have dangers? First off it’s got to be a goal that you take seriously, as in seriously looking for opportunities to allow them more freedom.
Upside Down Restroom Toilet Smiley
When my kids were little and wanted to use the bathroom at the playground, I wasn’t comfortable letting them run across the field to enter the restroom alone. I wanted to know there wasn’t a creep lurking in a stall. I’d walk them in, check that it was unoccupied and then leave them to their business while I waited outside, preferably 50-100 yards away where I could still watch the entrance but where they had to exit and find their way back to me without my help.
And for day to day tasks, allow them to do for themselves, unless for reasons of safety you must help. That means they pick their clothes for the day. Mismatch, misbuttoned, and inappropriate attire for the weather never killed anyone. And aw shucks, if they leave home without a coat or if they put their shoes on the wrong feet, pretty soon they’ll be uncomfortable and have to figure out how to fix the problem on their own.
Shoe Smiley
Packing their lunchbox is chore that should be theirs not yours. My guys were on lunchbox duty starting in 1st grade. My job was to be sure the kitchen was stocked with healthy things for them to toss in, but the tossing was their responsibility. Maybe they don’t pack enough one day and the hunger they feel alerts them that tomorrow they’re going to want to pack more. An added benefit to this approach was they seldom came home with food they hadn’t eaten. Only they could know if they were in the mood for strawberries instead of grapes.
Strawberry Smiley
I advocate having your child do as many of the little jobs that come up through out the day as time allows. Be sure to be there to help them. But be equally sure to stop yourself from helping too soon or doing it for them.
So to that mom in the café I’d say, let your little girl figure out how to get her lunch bag unpacked. BTW, if she figures out how to open a cheese stick without resorting to scissors (or power tools), I’d love to know.
Last week I did a presentation about Happiness for the Silicon Valley Sunday Assembly. If you are unfamiliar with Sunday Assembly, I humbly suggest that you look it up. It’s just like church, but just without religion. That way everyone is welcome and no one feels like an outsider. It is not anti-religion, rather religion -free. Video is still being edited but, I’ll pop that baby up on the good old You Tube channel as soon as I get it. In the mean time, you can watch me and Jeff Probst J-U-M-P-I-N-G in Hollywood during the premier of Survivor. Yep, got to hang out all night. He’s been on a medical mission with Operation Smile, too. Dopey me I forgot to tell him I had too. There I was nervous and trying to think up things to say, and I went and forgot the obvious!
If you read my last post you know I’ve been feeling sad lately, that very sad things are happening in my life. So, by golly, it’s the perfect time to turn my attention toward happiness. As part of my talk, I spoke about smiling as a tool to help elevate your mood when you’re feeling down.
Smiling when you’re feeling blue, actually modifies your neural processing. Your brain’s circuitry happiness is activated when you smile. EVEN if it’s a fake or forced smile. Charles Darwin said, “Even the simulation of an emotion, tends to arouse that emotion.” And Buddhist Monk Thich Nhat Hanh says, “Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.”
I can attest to how well this works from my own life. It’s not all sunshine and lollipops for me just because I’m the Smiley Lady. In fact, right now, for my family is a time of deep sorrow. But I’m trying to smile. To let smiling help me to get thru what is really hard stuff. I’m in charge of telling myself how to act. I can decide to act in ways that I know will help me feel happier,
I can decide to smile even if I don’t want to, especially if I don’t want to. To quote me. “When I am in a place of sadness, I can doubt that smiling will work, while simultaneously knowing that it will.”
Smile though your heart is aching. Smile even though it’s breaking.
Smile. Be happy. Be happier!
Ruth
P.S.: I’m smiling! Just got home from a very good visit with my shrink (hope that’s not disrespectful to call him that, as I hold him in very high regard!!!) and what do I see? Five, count ’em five, Smiley submissions in my in-box! WooHoo! I’ll get them up as soon as I grab a bite to eat; I’m starving.
BTW, no shame in going to see a counselor! Everybody should do it!
In case you’d like to sing along with Nat King Cole
(Today’s birthday boy-3/17) the lyrics are right below the video.
Smile though your heart is aching.
Smile even though it’s breaking.
When there are clouds in the sky
you’ll get by.
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through
For you.
Light up your face with gladness,
Hide every trace of sadness.
Although a tear may be ever so near
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use of crying.
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile-
If you just smile.
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use of crying.
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile-
If you just smile.
Music by Charles Chaplin, Lyrics by John Turner and Geoffrey Parson
What a week I’ve just had.
Over the last few years I have embraced social media and I can honestly say it has embraced me back. This week I was invited to LA for Oscars Week. The events included panel discussion by members of the Academy, private movie screenings, cocktail parties in gowns and rhinestones, way too many hours spent in uncomfortable shoes, on set tapings of a couple of shows, and watching Survivor with Jeff Probst (You bet I asked him about a million questions. You bet I asked him to JUMP–video below). The week also included tons of fun with SM friends, and lots and lots of swag.
With the amazing Stephen Dimmick.
This is a still from a flip movie.
Click to see all the shots.
It was fun. It was glamorous. It was exhausting. But most of all it was a distraction. It was proof that even during the hardest of times, one can rise to the occasion to be in the moment–even if drawing the blinds and crawling between the sheets to hide and cry, would have seemed a more appropriate response to the current stimuli in my life. I can’t be more specific as to the things that are breaking my heart, as it is not my story to tell. But suffice it to say I’ve been struck by a double blow of sadness and grief.
When I first was invited to participate, I asked myself if, in my sadness, I could pull it off. What earrings go with a broken heart? It would certainly be a test of my philosophy. I have always believed in getting out there and coping. I have always told myself to NOT to make the decisions using my sad soul as decision maker. Instead, to be aware enough, to know that my sad soul needed some help from a happier version of myself.
With the dazzling Jasmine Stringer.
This is a still from a flip movie.
Click to see all of the fun.
So I asked myself, if life were rosier right now, would I enjoy playing dress up and hanging out with Hollywood big wigs? The answer was a resounding, “YES.” I love dress up! I love hob-knobbing. I love all the insider fun of attending tapings and being backstage. So, the next question was simple. Has there ever been a time when I more needed something fun and distracting in my life?
When I looked at it that way, the answer was simple. I needed to do this for myself. I needed to see it not as a frivolous activity in a time of crisis, but as a respite. Would it be OK, if during some of the events I bowed out for a quick cry in a bathroom stall? Sure. Additionally, in the whirlwind of activities, surrounded by friends, it would also be OK if I occasionally forgot to be sad. That happened. More than once. I am grateful.
With the adorable Hope Bertram.
This is a still in a flip movie.
Click to see all of the photos.
I was reminded that sometimes we need to smile even when we are sad. Our face reminds our brain what happy feels like. I didn’t make that up. Scientists have been able to show that the neural processing in our brain, related to happiness and contentment, is activated by smiling, even if the smile is fake or forced.
🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
I am also VERY GRATEFUL that my wonderful husband encourages and supports me in everything I do! Thanks, Dave! You are my partner. And big thanks to my pal Bryan Moore for the invitation.
🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
TOP PHOTO: A lovely coincidence that the first star I saw on the sidewalks of Hollywood stars was Michael J. Fox, a fellow optimist! Those are my toes decked out in Smiley Face yellow.
“Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”
In additional to a lot of other goofy holidays, today is Hippo Day. Long ago, they had a hippo at the Oakland Petting Zoo (no lying). It would open its mouth and following the zookeeper’s instructions, you could stroke its gums. To this hippo, this seems akin to rubbing a dog’s belly or a cat’s face–nirvana. At first I was kind of scared. But I was gentle, the hippo was gentle, and it was an amazing experience.
It made me realize that for most of us, we know about the human species and maybe one or two others. When I think of how many species live on Earth, it’s quite astounding to realize that I really only know about the behaviors of cats and humans. Sure I kind of know about dogs. Sure I kind of know about a handful of other animals that have been pets. But really, it’s just cats and humans.
Wouldn’t it be cool to get to know a few more species? Get to know them with the same amount of intimacy that we know our cats or our dogs. Woohoo. New goal. Love discovering new goals. Or, if I was more hip, I guess I should call it my bucket list…or is bucket list, so last year? Of course saying hip, already dated me. Clearly I don’t know the new hip word for hip. Hip, hipper, hippo!
BTW, You can see all the other holidays that fall on the 15th of February here on the Smile-a-Day!